Everyday this week I struggled. It's funny how I don't realize how much of a brave front I put up.
I have a friend who is really close to me. A friend who I don't feel that I have to censor myself for or hold back my emotions with. Someone I thought I really let SEE me. She looked at me surprised when I told her I cried.
She said "You cry?". She was genuinely surprised.
I looked at her like she had lost her mind. Of course I cry! I probably cry at least once a week. It's weird how you think you are being so open and vulnerable, but the people closest to you let you know the truth.
You're still holding a lot in.
That conversation was a couple weeks ago and had a great affect on me.
I know I put a lot of pressure on myself to live up to this insane standard that I've set-up in my head, and that leads me to just put my head down and focus, not really noticing how I am being perceived. Because I hustle so hard, a lot of times I meet these standards, and sometimes I even surpass them. And I celebrate those moments publicly.
But most of the time. I don't and I feel bad....for a minute. This I do privately.
I used to REALLY get down and stay down. But through my personal development, I have learned that I'm allowed to make mistakes. It's a part of the process to fail.
And in that process, I have also learned to allow myself to cry when I fail. When I cry, I allow myself to feel into that emotion and that's how I can let it go. I give in to it, let it flow through me, and then I rise.
No, I literally rise. I get my backside up and get moving again.
So when I say I've had A week. I mean, I was struggling in my motivation. And big part of that is, I was still holding so much in.
So here I am opening up more then I'm comfortable with, because that's how we grow. I tell this to my PT clients all the time. "I have to push you past your limits in order for you to grow." So I'm practicing what I preach.
If you didn't know my main business is Administrative Consulting, where I do Virtual Assistance and Project Coordination for Small businesses. Personal Training is my passion so I make time to do it because I love it.
As I am currently in the slower time of year for my admin business, I have a lot more time on my hands. Which also gives me more time to think. 😣
When you're busy it's easy to get caught up and just go with the momentum. I was so excited at first. I thought I would have more time to read and write more. But I just had more time to watch tv and then feel bad about what I was not doing.... reading and writing!
So what did I do? I made a plan. I made a plan for myself for each day so that I created my own momentum.
Devon's Momentum Plan
Even though I don't have any early morning clients at the moment, I still have to get up by 8am. I use that time to either clean, meditate or do Yoga. I really don't like doing Yoga. It's slow and seems to take FOR EVER! I prefer pilates but my chiropractor suggested I do yoga because of the tightness I am having in my hip flexors. So I made a commitment to my hips to do Yoga at least 2x a week.
In all honesty I don't always make this goal. Sometimes I'll go out with friends late, or I take a walk with a friend instead, but I don't beat myself up about it because I make it most days 😃. And when I don't make, I just re-focus for the next day...after I cried about it...lol.
I challenged myself to write or read for an hour each day. And I mean FOCUSED reading and writing. No TV or music, just me and my book or computer. I even made a calendar reminder for it.
And its working. Now I feel so busy and so productive that I no longer feel like I'm having A Week. I had A great week. I accomplished so much more then I thought I would.
I used to think that if I wasn't training clients, or doing admin work then I wasn't being productive. I had to internalize that cooking for myself, taking time to read and write to develop my mind and yoga to relax my body, was being productive!
I realized, due to the wise words of a friend, that taking care of myself is being productive. Because as a Facebook meme recently told me:
"If you don't take care of your body, where are you going to live?"
I made myself a priority, and I reaped the benefits.
Sometimes you don't have to do anything but change your thinking about a situation to release the stress of it. I didn't sign any new contracts, I didn't finish writing a book, but I did cook 5 meals, do laundry, read half a book and I've done more writing in the last 2 months then I did all last year! And that is more then enough for me.
In the end I decide what's enough. I decide what's necessary, and I decided and that I am worth the effort.
In Motivation and Purpose,
Devon M. D. Jones
P.S. See I just got my writing for the day done before noon! 😉